Where You End Up Isn’t Nearly as Important as Where You Start

And starting means letting go of the fear that you might fail. 

The truth is, you probably will fail, at least once or twice. And that’s okay because it means that you are trying. You are going after what you know in your heart right. The problem is, there’s no guarantee when you will get there or how long it will take you to achieve what you are after, or even if the outcome will look anything like what you originally envisioned. 

Starting simply means you have a dream and the desire to chase it. There isn’t any right way, or any wrong way, and success isn’t measured by how far forward you go. Success is continuing to move forward even after you’ve fallen. Trying another way, taking another avenue, pushing one more time. Success is knowing what you’re after is worth the fight. 

Over the last several months, my fruitless search for the perfect job has sent me into a spiral of self-reflection. Though I’ve never wondered if I was heading in the right direction, I have started to rethink my approach. I continue to search, day after day, scouring the online ads. I am convinced that what I’m after can be found, and I won’t rest until I’ve taken my first real step. Though it is discouraging to accept this journey will be much more challenging than I would like, I haven’t yet convinced myself I’m ready to give up.

In fact, it is the challenge that keeps my dream alive. Without a challenge, I will become stagnate and bored; robotic in my actions and disengaged from those around me. That is not a life I’m willing to accept. I want more. 

I will accomplish my dreams, and I will achieve all that I am after. Not because it’s going to be easy, and because it will be quick, but because I refuse to settle for anything less. 

 

Frustrated

Frustrated only begins to scratch the surface of how my day went today.

As I may have mentioned in previous posts, I’m currently learning a new role at work. And as such, I have a lot of questions. There are a multitude of situations that I have yet to come across, so I question most aspects of my daily work.

In a weird way, I’m okay with not knowing everything about my job right now. This is weird for me because usually I need to be the one with all the information. That isn’t going to happen just yet, and I am aware of that. My job is far too complex and there are way too many components for me to grasp everything all at once. At least with my last job I had done it before, so catching on was really very simple. This isn’t the same.

The funny part is, although I have come to terms with my shortcomings, I am starting to wonder if my manager has. He seems put out that I ask him so many questions even though it’s only been a week. Karmatic(yes, I’m pretty sure I just made up that word), I’m aware, but still, it’s frustrating because he looks at me as though I am stupid for not knowing the answer to my question and somehow assumes I will understand whether or not I have ever seen anything like it before. I have gotten used to shrugging my shoulders and reminding him that I’m not quite sure what he’s talking about, but that I’m sure I will one day. I understand that this is similar to me getting frustrated with my coworker whom I’ve been training for almost three months, but the biggest difference is, I highly doubt it will take me that long to start to grasp most repetitive aspects of my new role. At least I hope it doesn’t anyway.

Needless to say, it’s days like today that remind me to continue searching for a job in my field. I’m still upset with myself that I let the most perfect opportunity slip out of my fingertips, but I will never allow that to happen again. I can’t. I’ll never forgive myself. I hardly forgive myself as it is. But I’ll find one, or at least one that will lead me in the right direction. Either way, I’ll get where I’m going. I just can’t stop moving forward.