I lack discipline

I have a confession.

I am the world’s most impulsive shopper.

Whenever I see something I want, I buy it, especially if I have extra money during the month that isn’t earmarked for any particular purpose. Happens all the time, and as hard as I’ve tried to control it, my impulsive habits eventually break through.

This is why I’ve come to terms with the fact that I can never and should never use credit cards.

Plain and simple: I just don’t have the self-control I need to only use them to earn airline miles and then promptly pay it off the next month. It might start out that way, but there’s no way I could keep up the charade. Sooner or later, I would see something I want (but that I don’t necessarily need), and I wouldn’t have the money for it right away. Well, rather than wait until I do have the money, I’d buy it; all the while pretending to convince myself that I would just pay it off when the next bill came. That might work; once or twice. Eventually though, I would lose control until I am several hundred dollars in the hole. Truthfully, I’m sure that’s all the more serious it would get, but I really don’t want to take the chance of having it turn out differently.

Sadly, that’s not the only area of life that my lack of discipline gets the best of me.

When it comes to eating well, and working out, my ability to stick to a strict routine leaves much to be desired. I’m not sure if I get bored or irritated first.

To be fair, it’s not the working out part that I struggle with. It’s the getting up at 4:30 AM to do said workout that irritates me. I’m tired, and a night owl to boot, so the thought of waking up with the birds doesn’t exactly elicit feelings of excitement. Of course, the days I do make it out of bed, I am ALWAYS happy to have made the commitment; I just haven’t made it enough of my routine that I’m used to it yet.

As for the eating well; again, it’s not the action that causes me distress. In truth, I rather enjoy eating healthy foods. It’s just that I absolutely despise keeping track of my intake and counting calories. Why do it then? I don’t know. I guess I just feel like I would have more profound progress if I actually paid attention.

Then again, maybe I’m setting myself up for failure. By giving myself expectations that I know I can’t commit to, I’m completely undermining my ability to make any progress at all. I’ve already told myself I can’t do it, and that won’t help me accomplish anything at all.

So, maybe, instead, I need to think smaller. Choose one of these areas to focus on. Take baby steps, and reward myself when I’ve reached a small, but substantial milestone. That way, I’ll know that it’s possible to commit to a task that requires discipline and I’ll feel more confident in my ability to apply that to other areas of my life.

So, this week I’ll start. I’ll choose one of these areas to really concentrate on, and not let myself get too frustrated about the other areas. I’ll document my progress, and tell you all about the journey.

Stay tuned.