Why do I always feel inadequate?

Do you know how difficult it is to draft [what should be] a simple blog post to send to my [one and only] editor?

It’s excruciating, to tell you the truth.

First, I feel like the topics I’ve written down, which, mind you, are several, will never suffice. I flip back and forth through the pages just hoping some sort of genius will jump out at me.

It never fails though. I wind up sitting here for several hours, bouncing between Facebook and an empty Google document, frustrated and exhausted.

Frustrated from my apparent lack of meaningful thoughts, and exhausted attempting to uncover, what can only be described as, the key to some magical, lost city in my mind.

In case you didn’t know, that’s where all the good stories are hiding.

So, I concede. I get up, head to the kitchen to make dinner, or off to do some other menial task that, while productive, gets me no closer to reaching my actual goals.

Worse yet is that I started the endeavor with such a different mentality. I convinced myself that I have dozens of thought-provoking, or, at the very least, interesting, stories to tell.

So, I start to write. Even as the words begin to come, they feel empty, almost as though I am not fit to write them.

Though I know the thought alone is absurd, I can’t help but believe the possibility that it may be true. I struggle to find the simplest way to collect my thoughts, until my brain has nearly turned to mush.

But I’ll press on. Deep inside, I know this is what I’ve been called to do. One day, I’ll find the ability to push past my fear and just write.

For now though,  I suppose it’s time to start dinner.